There is a Solution
Welcome to this site and if you are suffering from the ravages of addiction as I did you are very much more than welcome. I hope if you read this story and put into action the same plan as I did then you need not suffer any more. That was something a man in Cocaine Anonymous PROMISED me, and I have to tell you he was as good as his word. My actions based on his experience and those that have gone before means I have recovered from a hopeless condition.
I cannot imagine who might be looking for a solution in this strange world of cyberspace, but then I grew up in a time when phones were rare and computers simply did not exist. Well they may have been room sized calculators and not this amazing medium that we all have come to know. I guess I can imagine late nights sat begging for answers as to how I ended up defeated again. I ended up there many a night, but today I can go online and carry a message of hope.
I am a product of the sixties and seventies, pretty pills and buckets of wine, amazing parties and easy come easy go relationships. Sure I was self centred but through the 70s Life seemed simpler, selfish and indulgent. I loved that sense of relaxation that being stoned gave me, being high or out of it was a state I just loved. To begin with it was mostly fun shared with friends and it truly gave me a sense of ‘ease and comfort’. Somewhere along the journey it changed, I don’t know exactly when but I crossed some sort of line, from simply enjoying my drugs and wanting to get high, to needing to get high then on to having to get high just to feel normal. I had my first detox aged 21, I didn’t really know how I ended up there and my denial protected me from seeing the awkward reality of it at the time.
I could not see that my life was running on fear and selfishness, my reactions were based on what you thought of me and I was so sensitive. Drugs anaesthetised that sensitivity. I was confused, how could something I so enjoyed have started to cost me more than I wanted to pay. I was losing friends, jobs and my principles began to slide into an ever-deeper trough. Along the way I had certain high spots, I married an amazing woman and had three incredible children with her. I had so many opportunities, great jobs and brilliant experiences but some how could never build on them – they paled and faded as my commitment to my necessary drug grew. My life was becoming unmanageable and at times- spiralled out of control, there were periods when I thought I was managing to claw my way back. I really believed at times I was regaining control, a new job or a move to somewhere exotic, small victories were always eventually replaced by an even greater calamity.
I arrived at a point five years ago where I was beaten and so very desperate. I was homeless, very physically ill, no friends and no prospect of a way out. I knew that I would repeat my mistakes again and again. I would always give into to the lie that this time it would be different. All I saw in front of me was more despair and a cold death. I had heard the message of CA and now I wanted what those guys had, I craved it. For so long I had sat around the fellowship thinking about recovery, wishing and hoping to feel better. Nothing happened until I was desperate enough to act on what CA was saying. I asked the man who reached out to me to guide me into this program and sponsor me through the work contained in the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous. Even though I was too fresh about to gain any freedom initially he did give me a daily plan of action and he encouraged me into good habits early.
He suggested I pray to be kept clean, worked on becoming grateful for what I had and read from fellowship literature daily. He encouraged me to reach out to other newcomers and to find a strong Home Group then commit to it fully. He took me through the work at a reasonable pace and I was amazed at what I discovered. Through the steps I began to see clearly that my sickness had little to do with drugs, rather they were just the symptom of an underlying problem. He called it a spiritual malady and described how he had suffered from it too. No matter what, my natural state is one of high anxiety and isolation and I was programmed to finding a chemical release from that. He assured me that this 12-step programme was the spiritual remedy that I needed to recover. With help I could change my behaviour and so eventually change my thinking. I could clear up the mess I had made of my life and make restitution with my family and friends. I could take responsibility for my life and grow in usefulness. I could live life Happy, Joyous and Free without even thinking about using drugs.
I guess you don’t need to worry about the steps at this point, rather accept that through them I have discovered an amazing way to live, I have a deep and resounding faith that all will be well and I have a host of true and dear friends. ALL YOU NEED TO DO AT THIS POINT IS PICK UP THE PHONE. Call our national helpline and find a local meeting. When you get there try to look for the people who are busy, you will notice them. Tell one of them you are new and ask where you can see a Big Book. Listen to the message that will be shared and then talk to the person who you found inspiring. Simply ask that person for help and join us in this amazing fellowship where you can discover a full and complete solution to the problem of addiction.
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9 April 2013
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